complainer.

i'm ninety-nine percent sure i only blog to complain in a cheerful way. today, my first blog in over six months, is no exception to this rule.

i'm back at school in corvallis in a new beautiful apartment with my best friend kelsey.

i had a really lackluster summer that consisted almost entirely of working, although i did get a new job: working at a retirement home as a waitress for a bunch of hilarious, incredible older residents. they were way too much fun, but exhausting as well.

i did manage to have some fun though and spend most of my money on a trip to dallas, texas to watch the ducks play lsu. even if the game didn't go well, i had an incredible time, it was one of those ridiculously cool life experiences.

summer had a bunch of big milestones, too:

two of my close friends got engaged! alyssa, who i've been friends with since kindergarten (despite the fact that after kindergarten, we didn't live in the same city - same state for a while, even - until my sophomore year of college), and olivia, who i've been close with since those terribly awkward middle school days... luckily we matured out of that interesting phase in harmony.

my aunt virginia moved into an assisted living home, which has been such a blessing for her - she gets to have her own apartment, and all sorts of people to associate with, and she's just down the street from the majority of my family.

my brother and two of my best friends ashtin and riley graduated high school, and now jordy and ashtin are at OSU with me, living in the same dorm down the hall from each other, and riley is at the U of O living in a super trendy one bedroom apartment with her friend amber.

ayden turned one year old on sept 13! it was so incredible to see the same little guy that i have been watching grow up learn to walk and turn one year old. it does not seem like it's been this long at all. my cousin marissa gave birth to a little girl, lila, on october first, and my cousin anna is scheduled for a c-section to deliver her third little girl at the end of this month.

all in all, everything just seems to be changing so rapidly around me. it's overwhelming at times, but i am so happy to have all that i have.

school is already kicking my butt (again) but i think i can still pull off a good GPA this term.

for now, i will be commuting to eugene to work at roaring rapids until i can get a job up here in corvallis (woodstocks' scheduling doesn't seem to fit this year). i also am babysitting the cutest little kids three days a week in the morning. they're so much fun and so hilarious :)

all in all, this school year is off to a good start... we'll see how it goes!

Sisterly Love

last night was the mr. ths pageant at thurston high school.

my little brother just so happened to be in it, and you could say i was a little proud of him.

he was robin hood.

loookit him, isn't he precious?!

it was so amazing to see him so passionate about a cause.

and listen to him rapping an ORIGINAL rap.

(yup, he wrote it all by himself.)

and hear him tell my mom how much she means to him.

and see my mom hear that in front of hundreds of people.

and watch him win runner up.

he raised over 5,300 dollars.

if that's not incredible, i don't know what is.

what was most amazing though, was seeing the transformation cross over to daily life.

he's grown so much over the past three months as he's fundraised and rehearsed.

sometimes it amazes me that i have known him since, well...

kind of his whole life, i guess.

he's growing up into the most incredible man ever.

(what a relief. used to worry about the kid.)

love you jordykins.

club SWEAT.

last night i went to the weirdest "party" of my life.
(well, besides one i stumbled across this summer, but that's another story.)
i say party in quotes because it felt less like a party and more like a high school dance.
some dude rented out the ballroom in the MU and charged 5 bucks per person for this huge party.
we're pretty sure he made like 3 grand, AFTER taking out the 2500 it cost to rent the place.
literally everyone was there.
we waited in this long line for forty five minutes and people were going crazy.
it was about 30 degrees and we were all in skirts and shirts... it was so cold!
one guy started pushing the older guy letting people in (accomplished nothing).
once we got in, people were still pretty crazy.
there were some really yucky people doing their thang on the dance floor... and on a stage.
i wanted to say "people can see you!"
kelsey and i (being the party animals that we are) stood away from the dancing and talked to all the people we saw that we knew.
along with all the creeper dudes coming up and trying to get us to dance.
note to the fellas: if i wanted to dance, I ALREADY WOULD BE.
i'm not standing around waiting for you to ask me.
we left after a couple of hours, and it was even colder.
not to say that i didn't have fun.
what's strange is that i can be at the lamest party ever and still have a fun night just because i love going out with my friends.
we love to dress up and take ten million pictures together... so fun!

hours in a day.

i had such a ridiculous weekend. i spent thursday and friday nights in springfield. left late afternoon saturday to get to work in corvallis. got up this morning and drove back to springfield. tomorrow around noon (hopefully after getting my hair cut!) i have to drive back for school and more work. i legitimately don't know where all the time goes. i did not get a chance to see even half of the people that i wanted to see, and i felt like the people that i did see, i didn't get to see enough of. i am feeling so incredibly burnt out. not to be a complainer, but i just am not sure how i can handle weeks six through eleven of this term. there are not enough hours in a day for me to accomplish all the things that i need to accomplish, for me to sleep so that i can fight off the illness that is imminent, for me to work enough to make enough money to buy food and pay for utilities, and for me to just enjoy my life. i'm having a good time in college, i am. but sometimes, i want to be able to come home for a while and just hang out. i feel like i am neglecting so many aspects of my life. really, all i need right now is the chance to just sleep for three straight days so that i can get my head on my shoulders. is it so wrong to ask for a little ME time?

last night.

i spent my night last time with some good friends.

we danced a lot.

we laughed a lot.

i threw a tantrum for a while, because it was cold outside.

but i did not let it ruin my night.

we continued to have a good time until four am.

kelsey had to confiscate my cell phone at about three.

so far, winter term is a blast.

i can't wait for more great nights to come.

count your blessings.

i am an extremely fortunate person.

i go to a four year university using my uncle's money, and live in a house with three of my good friends, paying the rent with money my parents have saved for me.

sure, i work hard to afford the luxuries in my life, and to get food and pay for my utilities.

sometimes i think that this makes me a great person.

i work hard, i study hard, but the fact is, i have the ability to play hard as well.

i don't have the most extravagant lifestyle of the people i know, but it's also not even close to the roughest. i have backup, if necessary. it's stable.

i don't think that i take enough time out of my life to stop and think globally.

but last night i was texting my friend sephra and she was telling me about her recent trip to a human rights and anti-human and sex trafficking conference, and it got me thinking.

for all the beauty in my life, someone else is having a harrowing experience somewhere else.

although i am not educated on the subject, i'm trying to become more aware.

i looked around online today and i found this.

i hope to spend more time each day thinking positive thoughts for these people.

i will appreciate my own blessings even more.

"justice is what love looks like in public."

reunited.

today kara and kelsey finallyyyy got home from their arizona trip. it's probably not a good thing that we're so codependent that i swear i had withdrawals during the entire five days that they were gone. kara and i were on campus for approximately eight and a half hours, so we got home and were exhausted. of course, once we got some food in us we got a second wind. we made some "lists" and planned and instead of doing homework, we had an hour long photoshoot. much more productive. here are a few of my favorites.





so i realize that we're completely ridiculous, sitting around taking pictures of ourselves, but i don't remember the last time i laughed so hard. it was such a great break from all the school, work and stress (god, you would think it was week six instead of week two). and it was further proof of the saying "home is where the heart is". i mean, i know it's cliched, but earlier this week i was so sad to go home because i knew mostly i would be at the house by myself, and i would miss my mommy and daddy and brother and extended family... but as soon as kara and kelsey got back i felt so much better and at home. now all we need is jenna to get back from california and we'll all truly be reunited. :)

there's no place like home.

i went home yesterday to watch the duck game. let me tell you, there is nothing that i enjoy as much as being home. it's further proof that i am an old lady inside, but i love spending time with my family more than anything. we gathered at my cousin emily's and watched on her big screen tv and played with ayden. of course, it was a bittersweet evening, since the game didn't really go how i wanted (but i'm still sooo proud of my team for making it all the way to the national championship). anyway, ayden was so stinking cute it made me wanna puke. i love him.

and of course, my mom made sure scrappy got all the attention he deserved:

it was also really nice to hang out with emily and james. we got in some quality games of pictionary man (if you haven't played it yet, you need to) and of course, our favorite, yahtzee. it was kind of tough heading back to corvallis. i guess i haven't really gotten used to not going home every weekend like i used to last term. i miss my family a lot. but thankfully, aunt libby is learning to skype and hopefully the rest of the family will follow suit soon (ridiculous as that is going to be).
tomorrow my other roommates get back, which will be nice. i won't lie to you, i spent most of the weekend (the part that i wasn't working/babysitting, that is) laying in bed and watching re-runs of gilmore girls and chelsea lately. i love being lazy.
the disappointment of the game and not having as much time with the fam as i would like was slightly remedied this morning when i went on verizon and saw this:

yes, yes, the iphone is finally coming to verizon. shallow as it may be, i could barely breathe with excitement when i found that i am eligible for an upgrade on march twenty-eighth. it doesn't take rocket science to figure out what i'm going to do that day, but i got some saving up to do which means more working for me!

procrastinating.

i am the world's biggest procrastinator.
seriously.

it's week one of winter term and i am already so far behind.
i'm taking seventeen credits so the workload never ends.
and rather than use that as motivation, i use it as an excuse.
as in, "i'll never be able to keep up anyway, why try?"
and of course, i'm procrastinating right this very moment.
i went to work today and signed up to leave early.
why? TO DO MY MATH HOMEWORK.
has any math homework been done?
well, not really, unless you count copying some questions off of kara's assignment.
i did, however, grocery shop (which was unnecessary).
i got dinner at big town hero (delicious, if you were wondering).
i made cookies.
i watched the princess diaries.
i facebook surfed.
i organized my notebook (without doing any assignments).
i did some dishes.
the point is, i have a serious problem.
i'm working on solving it, but that's easier said than done.
for now, i'll just take my readings one day at a time.
i'll do my math right when i get out of class.
tonight, i will catch up AND go to bed at a decent hour.
but first, i think i'll clean my bathroom.

new year.

well, it's a new year.

2011.

i'm not all that into the whole new year thing, but it is an opportunity for a fresh start.

even though i feel like september feels more like a clean slate.

this year i want to write more.

i used to write all the time.

in my journal, short stories, "novels", and at school.

it was such a release.

but as i've gotten older and more social, i've been much more lazy about it.

there's always been something else to do.

but let's be real, watching gilmore girls reruns can wait 30 minutes.

so i've decided to try my hand at blogging.

i'm not sure i'll be good at it, so bear with me.

2010 was a tough year at the beginning, but it turned into something really amazing.

i started it off with my first real break-up, and it was brutal.

my friends were away at college and my grandma had just died.

i didn't feel like myself.

but i began to see some big changes come about.

my dear cousin emily and her husband james moved back home from 29 palms, ca.

i spent the summer working and having a great time with my friends all home from school.

on september 13, ayden clarence butson was born.

(emily and james' first son.)

and i am absolutely 100% in love with him.

the night he was born, i moved to corvallis to go to OSU and live with my best friends.

since then, it's been a blur of school, family, work, and friends.

it's been a big change, but i love it.

i did okay my fall term, but i'm hoping to do even better winter term.

which, incidentally, starts on my birthday.

which is on a monday this year.

typical luck.

my roommate is making me dinner and we're having friends over, so hopefully it'll still be a good one.

new year. new classes. new opportunities.

time to make the best of it.